\u201cThey presuppose particular identities that the infant will have, even before they\u2019re born,\u201d says Robert Diaz, a professor of Women and Gender Studies at the University of Toronto. \u201cThey really take away the ability for the individual to shape their narrative because it\u2019s preshaped for them at such an early age. For trans youth, who might not identify with that gender, it becomes something that they have to go against,\u201d says Diaz.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Credit: Sydney Mugford<\/span><\/p><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n Diaz says that what Borge-Scott is doing is rethinking the role of family in a trans child\u2019s journey. \u201cIt moves away from the stereotype of family as a harmful space,\u201d he says. \u201cThey\u2019re creating a space for their daughter to celebrate herself and they become part of it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Borge-Scott says that the chance to flip the script on gender-reveal parties is part of what inspired her to throw this celebration. \u201cI love that we’re taking the stereotypical \u2018boots or bows\u2019 or \u2018guns or glitter\u2019 and shaking it up and allowing people to form their own questions about their concept of gender.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n For Borge-Scott, the journey of helping Ella express her gender on her own terms started years before Ella made a public transition. By the time Ella was four, she was gravitating toward more traditionally \u201cfeminine\u201d toys like My Little Pony or characters from the film Frozen<\/em> and using baby blankets to give the illusion of long hair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat\u2019s when I started introducing her to gender identity,\u201d says Borge-Scott. This included emphasizing that it\u2019s possible to be a boy who likes wearing dresses, but also introducing Ella to children\u2019s books on the topic of gender expression. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI think it was Halloween. She was in grade one and she said, \u2018I want to be a cat, but I want to wear a skirt,\u2019\u201d recalls Borge-Scott. \u201cWe put together this cute little outfit for her, and she was just so happy. She said, \u2018Mummy, I\u2019m a girl. I don\u2019t feel like a boy. I feel like this is what I\u2019m supposed to be.\u2019 And I said, \u2018Okay.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n After that, Borge-Scott got in contact with the Reach Out Centre for Kids<\/a> (ROCK) in Burlington, Ontario, which provides mental health services for children. They have a partnership with The Positive Space Network<\/a>, an organization that creates safe spaces for LGBTQ2S+ youth. There, she was able to access guidance and reassurance about her decision to let Ella express her gender in whatever way she chose. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo baby book, no parenting book, had ever prepared me for this,\u201d says Borge-Scott. \u201cIt was difficult for me to let go and be like, my six-and-a-half-year-old is making this huge decision. But you know what, even if she does change her mind or she does detransition, so what? You know how many times I’ve changed my mind about something?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI can understand parents\u2019 concern about making these really big life choices,\u201d says Julie Hamara, the community engagement coordinator at The 519<\/a> in Toronto, which offers a range of services<\/a> for queer and trans youth. \u201cBut we have to consider the negative mental health implications of not celebrating this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTrans youth in particular struggle with mental health issues disproportionate to their cis hetero counterparts,\u201d says Hamara. \u201cThe consequences of not celebrating a child\u2019s identity can be much more damaging than being proud and affirming.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hamara says she would love to see other parents of trans youth take up Borge-Scott\u2019s version of a gender reveal party. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For Borge-Scott and Ella, not every experience has been positive. Since Ella changed her name, Borge-Scott has pulled her daughter out of the Halton Catholic District School Board, which made headlines<\/a> after refusing to allow its schools to raise the Pride flag (a policy that has since been amended). Borge-Scott was present at the trustee meeting about the issue in 2021 and says the things she heard there were homophobic and transphobic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ella has since moved to a public school, which Borge-Scott says has been a welcome change. \u201cOn the first day of [public] school, Ella came running out and she was like, \u2018We have a Pride flag in our classroom!\u2019 And I was just like, yes, we did the right thing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Borge-Scott is adamant about doing everything she can to preserve the excitement and joy that has accompanied the change in Ella\u2019s gender presentation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI want to keep her transness and being transgender as such a positive thing. It already is\u2014she loves being trans. She loves talking about it. She says all the time, \u2018Mommy, I\u2019m rare and I\u2019m special because I\u2019m transgender.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShe\u2019s eight years old, so she has no idea how hard it can be. I want her to have all these positive foundations that she can look back on when it does get hard,\u201d says Borge-Scott. \u201cI\u2019m hoping she has that positivity and it stays with her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/xtramagazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/IMG_4654-min-scaled.jpg\")